I lifted this from the resurgence website. Apparently, they got it from Justin Buzzard’s blog here.
I have italicised my own comments for Niddrie.
Do not come to Niddrie Community Church if:
1. If you’re looking for the next cool thing in town (We want to grow by conversion growth, not church-goer transfer growth).
We like our meat ‘fresh’ and we are so far from cool it is untrue. The coolest thing we’ve got is an assistant pastor called Andy (he wears Jack Wills and Calvin Klein boxers!) and Mike our youth worker (he has bushy hair and wears designer slippers!). I am short, with a pudding bowl haircut, bad teeth and I like beanie hats.
2. If you’re a Christian and you don’t like your current church (You will find reasons to not like this church).
We are a rubbish church because we are full of real scummers, myself the worst of them. We are an imperfect mess (we really love Jesus though).
3. If you have a bad track record at churches of being unteachable and causing problems (You won’t change here, you’ll repeat the pattern).
This is a church of high accountability. No likey, bye de bye!
4. If you’re a consumer wanting to “go to church” 1x a week for a nice show (We are not a Sunday show, we are a community of disciples on a mission).
We don’t even have a nice show. Prayer, Word, Prayer, Songs, Preaching, Communion, some more prayer. Gospel every week. End of.
5. If you want religion (This church will be built on the radical gospel of grace).
God hates religion and so do we.
6. If you have an agenda (We have our vision, our mission, and our values—your private agenda does not supersede them).
This is not a place to build a power base and manipulate others into fulfilling your dreams for what you think church should look like.
7. If you’re a wolf (We will sniff you out).
I will personally take you out the back and shoot you in the back of the head.
8. If you think this will be a nice little church that stays the same size, where everybody knows your name and you have my cell number on speed dial and we have a picnic lunch together every week (By God’s grace, we want to grow).
The likelihood is that we will never be a mega church. My wife will remember your name and the names of all your living relatives (and some dead ones). I don’t do picnics (except with my children) but I love BBQ’s.
9. If you think this will be easy and smooth (This will be hard and difficult; this will be a fight, a battle, and a challenging mission).
Just hard graft and a daily slog.
10. If you want to hold onto your comfortable life (You must lose your life).
We expect much and we give much support. No passengers last long on this train.
That being said, a warm welcome awaits any and all who care to visit with us to worship and glorify the Lord Jesus Christ.